Sunday, September 23, 2012

Story Writing



From: *** <***@hotmail.com>
To: "nuhazyun@yahoo.com" <nuhazyun@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 6:09 PM
Subject: Hi Teacher Nuha!


Hello Teacher Nuha!
Can you help me to mark my essay. I wrote it in the exam and get 17% - B. I hope teacher can mark it again and how to improve it. Thanks!

Highlighted = original word.
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          It was a beautiful morning. Many birds are chirping on the tree. Puan Suzani was going back to her house. She bought many things from a shopping mall. She waited at a bus stop. After 5 minutes, the bus arrived . The bus was full of passengers. Puan Suzani carried her bags and went into the bus.

          When Puan Suzani was finding a seat, one of her bags accidently hit a man near the entrance. She quickly apologised to the man. However, the man continued staring at Puan Suzani. There were many butterflies in Puan Suzani's stomach. She fely very scared and nervous. She wanted to get off from the bus.

          After 30 minutes, the bus reached a garden which was just a stone throw away from her house. She was scared and she hurriedly got off from the bus. However, she saw the man again. The man was running andd trying to folllow Puan Suzani. She was shocked and quickly ran away at the drop of a hat.

          Then , they reached a porch. The man held up the bag to Puan Suzani. She felt exhausted. She apologised to the man again. She took the bag that she dropped in the bus, She thanked the man. Then, she went back to home.

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Some of the error i had noticed but i write it in original and same as my exam paper.
Thanks teacher!

Teacher Nuha's reply:

Hi ***, I've already checked and graded your essay. Good job!


A narrative is written in the past tense.


It was a beautiful morning. Many birds are were chirping on the tree. Puan Suzani was going back to her house. She bought many things from a shopping mall. She waited at a bus stop. After 5 minutes, the bus arrived. The bus was full of passengers. Puan Suzani carried her bags and went into the bus.

          When Puan Suzani was finding a seat, one of her bags accidently hit a man near the entrance. She quickly apologised to the man. However, the man continued staring at Puan Suzani. There were many butterflies in Puan Suzani's stomach. She fely felt very scared and nervous. She wanted to get off from the bus.

          After 30 minutes, the bus reached a garden which was just a stone stone’s throw away from her house. She was scared and she hurriedly got off from the bus. However, she saw the man again. The man was running and trying to follow Puan Suzani. She was shocked and quickly ran away at the drop of a hat.

          Then, they reached a porch. The man held up 
the a bag to Puan Suzani. She felt exhausted. She apologised to the man again. She took the bag that she dropped in the bus. She thanked the man. Then, she went back to home.
[Marks: B-18]

Comments:
  1. Fluent writing with minor errors. Language is quite simple.
  2. Writing contains interesting expressions like:  butterflies in Puan Suzani's stomach,  stone’s throw away,  at the drop of a hat, exhausted
  3. Suggestions to improve: Since PMR is drawing near, I suggest that you stick to your current style of writing. Check the spelling and make sure to use the correct tense. For future improvement, read more English materials to enhance vocabulary and learn different styles of writing from different authors.
Best wishes.

Teacher Nuha.

Interesting expressions:
  1. have butterflies in your stomach -  to feel very nervous
  2. a stone's throw away -  very close
  3. at the drop of a hat - immediately
  4. exhausted - very tired

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