Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Story writing - The Reward of Honesty


From: *** <***@hotmail.com>
To: nuhazyun@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, September 28, 2012 2:36 PM
Subject: My essay 2


Hello teacher nuha, how are you recently? I get C in my english in my trial exam. Can I write an essay every day and send to you to help me to check? Hope you don't mind ya teacher. so,  here is my essay today. Title: Reward for honesty. The full marks of essay is 30. 

Base on the notes below, write a composition of not less than 120 words.

1.  Rajan-worked-part-time waiter
2.  man finished meal-mobile phone rang-walked way
3.  Rajan -surprised-man-left wallet
4.  opened wallet-found a lot of money-business card
5.  Rajan told-manager-returned the wallet
6.  Mr. Tan-pleased-Rajan's honesty-insisted on rewarding Rajan

and here is my essay. ^_^

                               Everyone has their own school holidays plan, and during the school holidays, Rajan worked as a part-time waiter at Tanjung's Seafood Restaurant.  He worked very hard and spent his school holidays there.  One day, a man walked in and had a meal there.  

                               Just as the man had finished his meal, his mobile phone rang.  He stood up and walked away while talking on his phone.  A few minutes later, Rajan came over to clear the table.  Rajan was surprised because the man left his wallet on his seat.  He opened the wallet and found a lot of money and a business card inside. He was try to find the man because he wish to return the wallet to the man but he could not find him.

                               As Rajan could not find the man, he checked the business card which was in the wallet of the man.  It turned out that man is Mr. Tan Wei Long and his office is in the next block. So Rajan told his manager about the wallet that he had to return and he wish his manager could  help him to contact Mr. Tan.

                               In a few minutes' time, Mr. Tan was outside the restaurant.  Rajan went out and returned the wallet to Mr. Tan.  Mr. Tan was please with Rajan's honesty and praise him very well-behaved.  He insisted on rewarding Rajan with RM30.  Rajan thanks to Mr. Tan and he felt very happy because he was doing a good deed.

My reply:

Hi ***, I'm doing great. Good job! You've improved. Here's your essay.


Everyone has their own school holidays plan. and During the school holidays, Rajan worked as a part-time waiter at Tanjung's Seafood Restaurant.  He worked very hard and spent his school holidays there.  One day, a man walked in and had a meal there.  

Just as the man had finished his meal, his mobile phone rang.  He stood up and walked away while talking on his phone.  A few minutes later, Rajan came over to clear the table.  Rajan was surprised because the man left his wallet on his seat.  He opened the wallet and found a lot of money and a business card inside. He was try tried to find the man because he wished to return the wallet to the man but he could not find him.

As Rajan could not find the man, he checked the business card which was in the wallet of the man.  It turned out that man is was Mr. Tan Wei Long and his office is was in the next block. So, Rajan told his manager about the wallet and that he had to return it. and He wished his manager could  help him to contact Mr. Tan.

In a few minutes' minutes time, Mr. Tan was outside the restaurant.  Rajan went out and returned the wallet to Mr. Tan.  Mr. Tan was please pleased with Rajan's honesty and praise praised him very for being well-behaved.  He insisted on rewarding Rajan with RM30.  Rajan thanks to thanked Mr. Tan and he felt very happy because he was doing had done a good deed.
[Marks: C - 15]

Important notes:
  • For Paper 2 – Section A, the full marks are 25 not 30.
  • A story (narrative) must be written mostly using the past tense.
  • Do not combine many ideas in a sentence. Write short sentences to avoid making errors in sentence constructions.
  • To improve the marks, use some interesting expressions/words in your essay. For example: Honesty is the best policy; He is as happy as a lark (very happy); The content of the wallet knocked him for six. (shocked him)




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