Sunday, October 7, 2012

Writing a Recount - A trip to the National Park

Just this morning, I received the following email from a student, requesting me to check her essay. Good job girl!


From: *** <***@yahoo.com>
To: "nuhazyun@yahoo.com" <nuhazyun@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, October 7, 2012 7:46 AM
Subject: A RECOUNT


Hello teacher Nuha! how are you? I'm a big fan of your blog because it really help me a lot. I get B in my trial exam paper. I wrote an essay yesterday, and I was wondering can you please check it for me? Hope you don't mind teacher (; The full marks of essay is 25

You and your friends went for a trip to the National Park recently. Based on the pictures and notes below, write a recount about your experience there.

1. arrived - chalet - checked in - unpacked

2. boat ride - crossed river - visited - Orang Asli settlement

3. cave - explored - waterfall - swam

4. jungle trekking - flora and fauna - took photographs - returned


   Last Saturday, my friends and I went for a trip to the National Park. The trip was organized by 3 Abu Bakar. We went there by bus. The journey took about 2 hours. We chose National Park because we want to get away for a few days after a stressful week of final examination. The purpose of this trip was to let us appreciate the beauty of nature and at the same time learn more about flora and fauna species found there. 

   On arrival at National Park, we checked in at the chalet. The chalet was small yet beautiful. There was no television and entertainment. Luckily, my friends brought laptops, games and cards. We unpacked our things and prepared for the next activity.

   Our first activity was boat ride. We crossed river to visit the Orang Asli settlement. It was a unique experience as we got a chance to learn their culture and how they lived. At that time, we knew the Orang asli have equally varied occupations and ways of life.

   The next activity was cave exploring. The cave was very dark but luckily we brought torchlight to explore what was in there. While we were walking, we saw

 a population of bat hanging upside down. The supervisor in charge told us that the bats were sleeping. They slept during the day and find food at night. We all spellbound on how they slept without falling. After a while, we found a waterfall. We make hay while the sun shines by took a dip in the waterfall. It was breathtaking with a beautiful scenery, chipping birds and cool crystal clear water. We all shrieked and splashed each other as the icy water stung or bare skin. It was definitely a relief from stress from the intense weather and exhausted day. How could we resist such a great temptation? We saw a lot of fish swam around full of life. We catch the fishes for barbeque at night. We decided to wrap our day as the sun started to disappeared.

   On the next morning, we went for jungle trekking. This activity not only gave the rush of adrenaline but also built our stamina. All of us were fascinated at seeing the wild animals, plants and rich biodiversity found in Malaysia. The flora and fauna were very beautiful and colourful. My friend, Shasnaa screamed as she saw a huge milipede. We all burst into tears. We took photographs to parcel these unique experience. It was cooled and refreshing in the vegetation. The fresh air that surrounds the area was good for us to recover form hustle and bustle city of life. It is a pity this vegetation are facing greater danger of being lost to development. Many people do not realize that it is a real gems. We returned to the chalet as the clouds started to roll in. Thank god we had the chance to explore the jungle.

  On the last day, we woke up early and packed our things to go home. All of us craved to go for another trip as soon as possible.


My reply:

Hello and assalamualaikum ***. I've marked your essay. Great job!



Last Saturday, my friends and I went for a trip to the National Park. The trip was organized by 3 Abu Bakar. We went there by bus. The journey took about 2 hours. We chose National Park because we want wanted to get away for a few days after a stressful week of the final examination. The purpose of this trip was to let us appreciate the beauty of nature and at the same time to learn more about the flora and fauna species found there. 

   On arrival Upon arriving at the National Park, we checked in at the chalet. The chalet was small yet beautiful. There was no television and entertainment. Luckily, my friends brought laptops, games and cards. We unpacked our things and prepared for the next activity.

   Our first activity was boat ride. We crossed a river to visit the Orang Asli settlement. It was a unique experience as we got a chance to learn their culture and how they lived. At that time, we knew the Orang Asli have equally varied occupations and ways of life.

   The next activity was cave exploring. The cave was very dark but luckily we brought torchlight to explore what was in there. While we were walking, we saw a population of bats hanging upside down. The supervisor in charge told us that the bats were sleeping. They slept sleep during the day and find food at night. We were all spellbound on how they slept without falling. After a while, we found a waterfall. We make made hay while the sun shines by took taking a dip in the waterfall. It was breathtaking with a beautiful scenery. , chipping birds and cool crystal clear water. The water was cool and crystal clear. There were birds chirping merrily. We all splashed water at each other shrieked and splashed each other and shrieked as the icy water stung or our bare skin. It was definitely a relief from the stress from the intense weather and exhausted day. How could we resist such a great temptation? We saw a lot of fish swam swimming around full of life. We catch caught the fishes fish for having barbeque at night. We decided to wrap our day as the sun started to disappeared disappear.

   On The next morning, we went for jungle trekking. This activity not only gave the rush of adrenaline but also built our stamina. All of us were fascinated at seeing the wild animals, plants and rich biodiversity found in Malaysia. The flora and fauna were very beautiful and colourful. My friend, Shasnaa, screamed as she saw a huge milipede millipede. We all burst into tears. We took photographs of to parcel these this unique experience. It was cooled cool and refreshing to be in the vegetation. The fresh air that surrounds the area was good for us to recover form from the hustle and bustle of the city of life. It is a pity this vegetation are is facing greater danger of being at lost to development. Many people do not realize that it is a real gems gem in the jungle. We returned to the chalet as the clouds darkness started to roll in. Thank god we had the chance to explore the jungle.

  On the last day, we woke up early and packed our things to go home. All of us craved to go for another trip as soon as possible.

[B - 18]

Good expressions:
  • flora and fauna species
  • a population of bats
  • spellbound
  • made hay while the sun shines
  • breathtaking
  • crystal clear
  • resist such a great temptation
  • rush of adrenaline
  • fascinated
  • rich biodiversity
  • the vegetation
  • the hustle and bustle of the city of life
  • a real gem in the jungle
  • darkness started to roll in
  • craved


Comments:
  • Your essay contains a lot of good and interesting expressions. Excellent!
  • Interesting style of writing. Keep up!
  • A recount must be written mostly in the past tense. After writing an essay, make sure to check that you've used the correct tenses.
  • The singular and plural for fish is "fish" not fishes :)
  • Avoid combining a lot of different ideas in a sentence. This is where students always make sentence errors. For example: "It was breathtaking with a beautiful scenery, chipping birds and cool crystal clear water." Write about the waterfall in a different sentence. Then, write about the birds.
  • Make sure that the articles (a, an, the), the prepositions (at, of, from, in, on, etc) and other grammatical items are written correctly.


I pray that you'll succeed with flying colours ***!

Teacher Nuha.


Some pictures of our famous Taman Negara


Welcome to Taman Negara (National Park)

The Orang Asli settlement

Boat riding activity

A picturesque scenery of a waterfall in Taman Negara

Bats hanging upside down in a cave.

A tourist standing on a higher ground overlooking the lush greenery of Taman Negara

Picture source:

  1. http://www.mongabay.com/images/malaysia/06/malaysia0286.JPG
  2. http://barefootndreaming.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/taman-negara-167.jpg
  3. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--MWFHkSZVc0/TaEzN9D0sRI/AAAAAAAAAsg/-pel4-Exk4Q/s1600/Taman%2BNegara%2B693.jpg
  4. http://malaysia-holiday.webs.com/4%20step%20waterfall%2001.JPG
  5. http://www.1dasia.com/image/1320318940TAMAN%20NEGARA%20DISCOVERY.jpg
  6. http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/4896_91806065686_90286_n.jpg

21 comments :

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much .
It helps me a lot .

Anonymous said...

Thanks a lot . It will improve my english in writing :'3

Teacher Nuha said...

You're welcome :)

Nurul Syafiqa said...

teacher,i just dont understand.
recount is past tense right ? but why it's still have fish swimming and dipping ? im sorry but my grammar is a bit sucks.

i hope you can tell me or explain it to me. :)

Teacher Nuha said...

Salam Nurul Syafiqa,
Good question.

It is grammatically wrong to write,
We saw a lot of fish SWAM around full of life.

The correct sentence is:
We saw a lot of fish SWIMMING around full of life.

In this sentence, the word 'swimming' is a gerund NOT a verb.
Click at the following link for more examples on gerunds:
http://www.edufind.com/english/grammar/gerund.php

Other similar examples:
- I saw a man WALKING in front of my house yesterday.
- There were birds CHIRPING merrily.

Hope I've helped.

Nurul Ainy said...

teacher~ what is recount essay? i had one tomorrow . ughh , we kinda got 'soalan bocor' for english essay. its about : recount essay about regret and respect . :DD can you please give me some tips ? thank you!! :DD

Teacher Nuha said...

Salam Ainy, if you write a recount, you write about past events that you have experienced. If it is about regret and respect, maybe you could write about any past experience that you regret - did not study hard, disobeyed your parents, etc. Respect? Maybe after you realized your mistakes, you changed for the better. Then, people paid you more respect, or you showed more respect towards your parents/teachers? All the best.

Nurul Ainy said...

thank you so much for giving me tips ! :'D

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much teacher Nuha for the tips! :>

wanz delight's said...

Can recount can do in one paragraph if cant how much mark will be minus

wanz delight's said...

Can recount do in one paragraph

monika singh said...

Student Excursion Tour, Student Group Tour, Student Travel Tours, Student Travel Tour Groups Comment Thanks for sharing good information !

monika singh said...

Student Excursion Tour, Student Group Tour, Student Travel Tours, Student Travel Tour Groups Comment Thanks for sharing good information !

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this model essay,it really helped me for my English!

Alexia Merriane said...

I used it to practice my recount writing. I liked the jungle trekking part but the important thing is it helped me a lot. Thank you so much ^.^

Anonymous said...

The question
Your uncle and his family from singapore visited your family in melaka last weekend. Write a recount of their visit in your diary. Use the notes given.

The notes given
Took - historical buildings - walked around - photographs - chicken rice balls - satay celup - cendol - night - cruise - melaka river - jonker street - souvenirs - snacks - rode - trishaws - fun

when writing about their visit, you should
* write about the reason for their visit
* recount your activities and the places you visited together
* write between 120 to 150 words

syed hamdi said...

Impressive blogspot. Maybe i should sent my recount essay.

syed hamdi said...

Impressive blogspot. Maybe i should sent my recount essay.

Anonymous said...

daebak! really love it

Augustine Odhiambo said...

I love it.
It gives a direcr injection to English grammar

Anonymous said...

Teacher, do you have any idea on what should I write in a report on the latest visit to the book fair ?

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