Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Writing a Recount (PMR) - A Trip to a Waterfall

Salam and Hi,

A student sent me an email, asking my help to check a recount writing. For more information about a recount, you may visit this website: Recount Writing.

The original essay:


Last holiday , my friend and I went on a trip at Ulu Ayam Waterfall.We gathered at bust station early in the morning. The journey there took an hour and half. It was my first trip together with my friend.


Everyone was so excited with this trip. We brought the snacks and drinks from home. Upon arriving there we we're serve by the scenic view of hills and forests. It,s really make me impressed. The bird chirping and the sound of the waterfall made me feel in peace. Ulu Ayam Waterfall was a famous for its beautiful recreation park among tourists.


We do many things there . We hiked the hills, swimming at the waterfalls and many else. As we swam at the waterfall, suddenly rain started pouring. We ran to find a safe shelter. It, s funny and fun to see a few of my friends run trying to save the foods that had been wet because of the rain. 



After a few minutes, the rain stop pouring. We had a small barbecue near the waterfalls. We rested for a while after eating. Before we went home we hiked up the hills . We found many unique fauna like a wild orchid. We went home in the evening. We feel really sad leaving the Ulu Ayam Waterfall . While in the bus, we all agreed to come again there. Although it was tiring, it was a precious and fun trip.



The corrected essay:

Last holiday, my friends and I went on a trip at Ulu Yam Waterfall.We gathered at the bust station early in the morning. The journey there took an hour and half. It was our my first trip together with my friend.

Everyone was so excited with this trip. We brought the snacks and drinks from home. Upon arriving there we we're serve captivated by the scenic view of hills and forests. It,s really make me The beautiful scenery impressed me. The bird chirping of birds and the sound of the waterfall made me feel in at peace. Ulu Ayam Waterfall was a famous for its beautiful recreation park among tourists.

We do many things there. We hiked the hills, swimming swam at the waterfalls and many else more. As we swam at the waterfall, suddenly the rain started pouring. We ran to find a safe shelter. It, s was funny and fun to see a few of my friends running and trying to save the foods that had been wet because of the rain. (..the food was wet because of the rain.)

After a few minutes, the rain stopped pouring. We had a small barbecue near the waterfalls. We rested for a while after eating. Before we went home, we hiked up the hills. We found many unique fauna flora like a wild orchid. We went home in the evening. We feel felt really sad leaving the Ulu Ayam Waterfall. While in the bus, we all agreed to come again there. Although it was tiring, it was a precious and fun trip.

Band/Mark: C – 14

Comment: Not bad. Need to work on your grammar. Keep writing. You’ll improve.

Additional comments:

1) The meaning of "together with"
  • in addition to 
  • in association with

2) Serve
  • to give (food or drink) to someone at a meal, in a restaurant, etc.

3) feel in peace is incorrect.
  • Correction: feel at peace or feel peaceful


4) We hiked the hills, swimming swam at the waterfalls and many more
Explanation: Use the same tense.
  • We hiked the hills, swam at the waterfall, played ball, collected pebbles and had a picnic. (for this essay, a correct sentence structure uses all past tense verbs)
  • We hiked the hills, swimming at the waterfall, played ball, collecting pebbles and had a picnic. (this is an incorrect sentence structure because different tenses are used)

5) Be consistent:
  • How many waterfalls are there in Ulu Yam?
  • If there is only one, write "waterfall".
  • If there are more than one, write "waterfalls".
6) Fauna means "animals"

14 comments :

Anonymous said...

Alhamdulillah,nuha is back...i really aprreciate your comment.....do continue you good deed because you aspired all the muslims english to move forward with your brave ideas .......bravo sis

Teacher Nuha said...

Alhamdulillah... Thanks. I just hope that I'll be more istiqamah this time :)

Anonymous said...

can i get this year's question paper?

Anonymous said...

hi jah

Anonymous said...

hi den

Anonymous said...

thank you teacher nuha , you really help me in understanding and learning English. well , this question actually came out in my last exam , i wish i visit your blog earlier xD anyway , i did quite good. thanks to you :)

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teriana13 said...
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Anonymous said...

Good article.. tq tcher nuha

Anonymous said...

Ulu Ayam pun boleh ��

Anonymous said...

Can I add like an introduction like a normal essay. For example: My name is Abu. I'm from Selangor.

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