Thursday, March 27, 2014

Writing a Report (PMR) - A Visit to the Zoo

Salam and Hi,

Here's another essay from an anonymous student that I checked recently.

The original essay:

A Visit to the Zoo by the English Language Society 2014

               The English Language Society of SMK Ahmad had made a visit to zoo for the annual activity. A total of 50 members and four teachers involved in this trip. The main objectives for this trip was to promote awareness of endangered animals in the wild. We did many things there such as sightseeing around the zoo, drawing competition and treasure hunt. 

               Cik Suraya one of our advisors taken the attendance at the school compound by eight on the morning. We boarded the bus with two teachers each buses to supervise the members. We arrived at the zoo at 9 a.m. We tour around the zoo for one hour from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. We found my unique and rarely found animal like panda. It's such a worth sightseeing.

             Next, we gathered in front of zoo lake for the drawing picture competition. We given one hour to finish the drawing. The attractive privet will be given to the winner. It's made us more participated to do our best. By 11 a.m. we started the treasure hunt. We were divided to few groups. Everyone do their best in seeking the treasure. It took one hour to find all the treasure.

           After that, we had our lunch break. We were served with many foods that had been prepared by the zoo workers. We had the prize ceremony after done eating. Two student from lower forms and one student from upper forms won the prize.we departed at 1 p.m. It was an enjoyable and unforgettable trip.

           The society wanted to thanks to our advisors and the zoo workers for their support and guidance. The society would also like to express appreciation to all people that involved in this trip.

                                                                                                              Prepare by,
                                                                                                                 Anonymous
The corrected essay:

A Visit to the Zoo by the English Language Society 2014

               The English Language Society of SMK Ahmad had made a visit to the zoo for the annual activity. A total of 50 members and four teachers were involved in this trip. The main objectives objective for this trip was to promote awareness of the endangered animals in the wild. We did many things there such as sightseeing around the zoo, and taking part in the drawing competition and treasure hunt. 

               Cik Suraya, one of our advisors, taken took the attendance at the school compound by eight on in the morning. We boarded the bus with two teachers accompanying each buses bus to supervise the members. We arrived at the zoo at 9 a.m. We tour toured around the zoo for one hour from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. We found my many unique and rarely found animals like pandas. It's It was such a worth sightseeing.

             Next, we gathered in front of the zoo lake for the drawing picture competition. We were given one hour to finish the drawing. The attractive privet will be given to the winner. It's made us more participated to do our best. We were eager to participate in the competition and did our best. By 11 a.m. we started the treasure hunt. We were divided into a few groups. Everyone do did their best in seeking the treasure. It took one hour to find all the treasure.

           After that, we had our lunch break. We were served with many foods that had been prepared by the zoo workers. We had the prize giving ceremony after done eating. Two students from the lower forms and one student from the upper forms form won the prize. we We departed at 1 p.m. It was an enjoyable and unforgettable trip.

           The society wanted to thanks to thank our advisors and the zoo workers for their support and guidance. The society would also like to express our appreciation to all people that who were involved in this trip.

 


Reported by,
Anonymous
…………………………   
Anonymous,
The Secretary of The English Language Society,
SMK Ahmad

Teacher Nuha’s comments:
  • Good job for trying!
  • Use mostly the simple past tense from the beginning to end of the report.
  • It’s is the contractions for either ‘it is’ or ‘it has’

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PRINCE KIM said...

For student's information, after "to" word, you should use root word. I'd seen many students repeat the same mistake. As the example, to read, to cook, to play.

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